Typos

My phone loves to autocorrect the word “people” to “orioles.”  I’m not sure why my beloved device thinks that humans and a particular bird species are the same thing, but nevertheless, I often inadvertently send comical texts to friends when I’m in a hurry and don’t proofread.  Somehow texting, “Some orioles drive me crazy” doesn’t drive home the same message as, “Some people drive me crazy.”  And, yes, that is something I’ve texted my friends, because, yes, some people DO drive me crazy.  Orioles might drive me crazy, too, but I can’t say I have those flying around my town.

The first obvious takeaway is that I should proofread my writings.  Guilty as charged when it comes to my texting skills.  However, the less apparent lesson is the gift of understanding readers give me when studying my ill-written texts.  They try to make sense of my message using context, and then give me grace based on understanding my intent.  I think most people who are tec-savvy would say they do the same when an incoherent text comes their way.

I wonder how much better our communication would be if we apply the same principals in other interactions with people.  Instead of jumping to conclusions, if we took a step back and tried to understand the context of their message and assume good intent, perhaps fewer conflicts, hurt feelings, or misunderstandings would occur.  We know that in the world of texting, people are in a hurry and autocorrect goes into hyperdrive.  Applying the same mindset, when we are busy in the other facets of our lives, maybe it is our less developed brains that kick into hyperdrive, and we speak before reasoning it out.  I am sure most of us know we’ve been guilty of acting or speaking before thinking.  Assuming good intent from others and studying the context of their world – perhaps busyness or stress –  would allow us to provide a broader and more compassionate lens on the situation.

If you receive a text from me about some random oriole, please know I’m likely busy with my kids, work, and social life.  Birds are lovely creatures, but humans are even lovelier yet.

Changepoints:

Go through your phone and observe text exchanges where typos exist, and find when grace and understanding is provided among the participants:

·      What makes it easier in texting versus other forms of interactions to provide a more insightful perspective?

·      How can we better manifest a “text-forgiving” exchange with others?

·      In what circumstances do you tend to jump to conclusions or, conversely, provide more compassion?

·      How can you help slow yourself down in your own communication with others or when trying to interpret the communication of someone else?

o   Are there patterns you can identify to try to address this?

o   What outcomes could potentially result?

 

I probably should take some time to study why my phone autocorrects peculiar words, but until them:  I wish all my favorite oriels goodness and happy exchanges with one another.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Track

My kids enjoy sports, but I’ve never heard them jump for joy about running.  They don’t revel in P.E. assessment days where the timed mile is required.  So, it was a big surprise when my daughter announced she had registered for track.  I’m totally supportive of my kids partaking in extracurricular activities, so I didn’t want to dim her enthusiasm for trying this newfound sport.  Instead, I waited for her to report back to me after her first practice.  Upon asking her how it went, she responded, “Track is the worst.  You run sooo much!”  Newsflash, child: Track is ALL about running.

I asked her if she was going to continue with the season, and she promptly let me know that track – despite the miserable running – was entirely worth it, because she it allows her to be with her friends.  She also let me know that she doesn’t quit something she has signed up to do.  (However, she also mentioned that I could refrain from inviting any family members to watch her compete in meets.)

She still doesn’t love the sport of track.  I admire her tenacity though.  I also appreciate that she looks for the positives to offset any negatives.  When she complains of aches and sore muscles, she still says it is worth it to surround herself with best friends.  Way to keep an eye on the prize!

Sometimes we, too, find ourselves in situations where we are tackling something that might not rise to the top of our favorites list.  This is especially challenging when we haven’t chosen the path in front of us.  My daughter voluntarily signed up for track, but often we are faced with situations that are thrown our way.  Yet, the mindset of positivity and grit that my daughter modeled can be one we employ as well.  Rarely is there a case where a rainbow can’t be found.

You’ll still find my child loathing the track field, but at any given meet you’ll also see her laughing, giggling, and having fun with her friends between races.  To me, regardless of her finish time she’s winning at the game of life.

Changepoints:

While my daughter is highly competitive in many realms, in track she has taken this pressure off herself.  In your life, picture a time where there was a silver-lining to a hard experience:

·      What did you gain through the process of allowing yourself to still experience what could have initially been considered negative?

·      How did the tenacity to push through a challenge benefit you personally or professionally?

·      What rewards were manifested by changing your mindset about the situation?  Who or what provided this motivation?

·      Who in your inner circle models the type of perspective that inspires you to pivot when it would be easy to be drawn into negativity?

o   How does this attitude impact the lives of those around them?  Conversely, how does a downtrodden perspective affect group morale?

o   Describe “you are the company you keep” to yourself personally.

 

Thankfully, my kids have wonderful friends who enlighten their worlds.  They surround themselves with people who encourage their commitment, growth, and positivity.  Even if it now means my daughter is participating in a sport she dreads.  She’s still running!

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Party PREP

Lots of phrases and metaphors are used to describe the unpleasantries of life, especially those surrounding undesirable tasks.  While I love my job, there are aspects that don’t fill my bucket as much as other facets.  As such, I tend to avoid them until they become necessary, critical, or even eleventh hour.  Some might call this procrastination, avoidance, or laziness.  Others would argue that it is human nature to dodge the tasks in life we don’t enjoy.  Shelves of books have been written on the topic in the attempt to help people find motivation in these areas.

A coworker and I were using some of the common metaphors to describe an accounting task I didn’t want to engage in, and we decided that the use of negative phrases probably doesn’t help our mindset.  We understand why some people might find value in these funny quotes, but we were starting to feel that it wasn’t helping us to frame positive energy around tasks we already don’t want to do.  So, we began brainstorming, and together we came up with a mantra: PREP for the Party! 

She and I both enjoy social engagements, and we know that preparations are necessary to ensure a successful party.  People often don’t jump up and down with joy at the thought of the prior arrangements that are required to be a good host, but they complete these steps to enjoy the outcome of the party.  We decided that once a dreaded task is done, especially when it helps in the pursuit of other goals, the feeling is often like hosting a well-received social event.  The preparation is worth it for the results.  Hence, we decided to embrace the mantra: PREP for the Party!

In this case, PREP is an acronym that helps us lay the groundwork as we decide to embark on challenges.  The ‘P’ represents Priorities (Prioritize Goals).  The ‘R’ stands for Resources (Recognize Needs), and ‘E’ is for Environment (Evaluate Surroundings).  Lastly, ‘P’ symbolizes Pavement (Pivot, Move).  The simple PREP acronym helps us lay the groundwork so we can be more efficient during the times that are necessary but perhaps not desirable.

P: Priorities (Prioritize Goals)

R: Resources (Recognize Needs)

E: Environment (Evaluate Surroundings)

P: Pavement (Pivot, Move)

Party PREP!

Changepoints:

Ponder the areas in your life or specific tasks that you tend to avoid:

·      Why do you procrastinate or stall-out in these areas?

·      How can the process of using a positive mantra to reframe these tasks help your approach?

·      In what ways could you implement the “PREP” concepts into your habits?

·      How can you hold yourself accountable to completing undesirable tasks in a timely and effective manner to help ensure the greatest potential for success?

o   What other parts of your life will be impacted by making these changes?

o   What systems can you implement to help yourself track your goals? 

Anytime you avoid a necessary function, consider why you are doing so and if a “party” might result if you get it done.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Fifth Street

Upon arriving at the restaurant selected by a friend and me, I received a text from the person asking if we were at the same location.  That’s when it dawned on us that this restaurant has a facility on the 300 block of Fifth Street in Des Moines, Iowa, and another on the 300 block of Fifth Street in West Des Moines, Iowa.  “Nope,” I replied.  In fact, I was at the West Des Moines diner, and he was at the Des Moines establishment.  He graciously agreed to come my direction, so I had a few moments to process what had happened to create this communication breakdown.  What are the odds that a local restaurant would hold such similarities between two of its locations?

I went back to our initial communication and the texts between us said, “Let’s meet at [the named restaurant] on Fifth Street.”  We both assumed the other knew which city we intended to land in.  I’m a resident of West Des Moines, and he is a resident of Des Moines, so it makes sense why confusion had crept in.  Our lived-experience and perspective shaped our individual analysis.  They are neighboring communities in the same county with a very short commute from any given point between the two cities, so they are often discussed as though they are one in the same.  This works for efficiency purposes, until it doesn’t.  Neither of us provided clarifying information or asked distinguishing follow-up questions.  As a result, we ended up at two different locations bearing the same name with eerily similar addresses.

We both were correct with our interpretations of the texts between us, and yet we didn’t start where we hoped: at the same location to dine together.  Thankfully, it was a small blunder in the scheme of things.  It was a weekend and neither of us were pressed for time, so we adapted and conveyed at the same restaurant.  However, consider if the small blunder was a mistyped decimal point that changed the value of something or a misread message where context wasn’t understood and feelings were hurt?  A molehill can become a mountain when there is a lack of shared understanding.  Alignment and execution can easily misfire by the minute. 

Changepoints:

Think of an example where the best of intentions still led you down the wrong path:

·      How did the situation feel while you were experiencing it and then later when you identified the misstep?

·      How can the process of avoiding assumptions help create more accurate and useful communication both in personal and professional capacities?

·      In what ways would people evaluate the way you present information to others?  Would it benefit from adding more details, emotion, or brevity? 

·      Who are the people in your life who are easy to interact with and why?  What ways do you work together to avoid misunderstandings?

o   What flows from having these types of relationships?

o   How can this be replicated in the ways you engage with others?

 

The next time you turn on your GPS, consider if you are going to the restaurant in the right city.  It makes a big difference during your navigation.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Spring Break

Spring Break was approaching, and I heard a teenager talk about how fellow classmates will make comparisons about their spring break adventures upon returning to school.  As a truancy mediator, I hear a lot about what children experience behind closed doors.  Many of these kids struggle with issues surrounding food, transportation, and housing.  Going on an international trip is the last thing on their radar.  Until they return to school, and they get asked where they went during their break.  Ouch.

We might think this is common high school behavior that adults grow out of.  But do we?  When we stare at social media, watch reality tv, or yearn for the designer outfit our neighbor is wearing, aren’t we essentially doing the same thing?  And when we flippantly discuss our recently awarded bonus, weekend getaway to Florida, or the new car we purchased, haven’t we set up an environment similar to the teenager who is asked where they went for spring break?  It potentially creates a platform of discomfort or comparison for those who weren’t part of the experience.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t celebrate our victories or join in the celebrations of others.  It is important, however, to be mindful when we discuss the highlights of our lives. The sole spotlight on these moments can be hurtful to others, and disingenuous to ourselves, if we don’t balance it with reminders of the valleys or even the everyday we experience.

Showcasing our Valentine's Day flowers is fine, until we remember that some people don’t wish for a single life.  Hallmarking our kids’ finest hour is great, until we remember that some people can’t have children and other people have children with profound issues.  Praising the achievement of an advanced degree is wonderful, until we consider that education is out of reach for many.  We can temper these conversations by thinking about the audience to which we are sharing, along with peppering our words with the less glamourous and very real tales about life.  Holistic relationships are filled with gray and all the other colors.

Changepoints:

When have you felt excluded from an experience, whether material or otherwise:

·      How did it feel to have to address conversations surrounding this experience?  How could you strive to ensure this doesn’t happen to others when you talk about your highlights?

·      When might you inadvertently use words that isolate others because their lived experience is different from your own?  How can you develop your empathy in these areas?

·      Who do you know who overtly appears to brag about their accomplishments or possessions?  What other underlying themes might be going on to explain the need for this behavior?

·      How can you balance when you share about the upsides of life while ensuring that the everyday or downsides are also constructively conveyed?

o   How might this equilibrium and vulnerability help others around you?

o   How can this help your own perspective as you absorb information given in the world? 

Go ahead and revel in the positives that life affords you while also considering when, how, and why you share this with others.  Cherishing it for yourself in the quietness of your own soul might be all the reward you need.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Photographs

Someone close to me served as a photographer for an event because pictures were requested for a social media site.  Throughout the evening, this person took many pictures.  In fact, they recounted that about 80 pictures were taken with various individuals.  People attending who would normally take pictures with their cell phones put their phones away because they saw him navigating the crowd taking photographs.

When it came time to upload the pictures to the social mediate website, he discovered that the setting on the camera had been turned to the wrong spot and every picture was solid black.  Not one of the 80 pictures turned out.  Yikes.  Thankfully, one attendee had taken five pictures on their phone prior to the photographer’s arrival, so a handful of pictures existed to document the event.  Disappointing for sure, but certainly not catastrophic.

As I reflected upon people’s responses to the lack of pictures, I drew some conclusions.  First, it is always a good idea to check progress along the way.  Had the photographer looked back at the camera roll periodically they might have caught the error.  Secondly, it is a good practice to have a back-up plan as people stopped taking pictures when they saw a photographer present (although understandable since it can create confusion when there is more than one person engaged in a task). 

My biggest take-away, however, is to question why we are so tethered to pictures and social media to document the modern world.  We rely so heavily on instant feedback, technological connections, and permanently captured moments that we forget the actual living came in being at the event.  The experience of just being present at the special occasion should suffice.  Pictures are great because they help us recall details from the event, but essentially the memories should come from within.  This is one reason that social media can be a slippery slope to engage in.  When we start living through the experiences of others or rely on the highlight reels captured in photos to tell a story, we run the risk that we miss the opportunities presented when we just soak in life as it comes our way.

The event wasn’t any less successful or less meaningful because there weren’t 80 pictures of it.  The five pictures were sufficient to say that many loving people gathered together at a celebration.  The rest of the details can be filled in by sharing the memories with one another directly through real conversations and writings.

Changepoints:

When have you noticed a preoccupation with taking pictures instead of living the moment:

·      How would it have felt to set the camera or phone down and soaked up the memory? 

·      How often do you crop or edit pictures to make the photos appear as polished as possible?  How does this run the risk of creating a false narrative of the story?  In what ways could the same be occurring when you observe pictures of others?

·      Who is a good model of engaging in the moment while still allowing themselves permission to document it when appropriate?

·      Why is the pressure so great to project an unending river of perfectly manicured pictures or highlight-reel stories?

o   What does this do for the way we process the world around us?

o   How can we actively engage in the world in a different way?

 

Photographs are just one tangible symbol of the potential to get swept into the trap of becoming preoccupied instead of fully present. 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Remodeling

 When I moved into my house, I recognized that it was outdated compared to the latest trends.  However, the space was functional for my kids and the location was great.  I hopped on the chance to buy a home while the market was affordable.  Within a year of living in the home, however, I began feeling stifled in my very small kitchen.  I considered various solutions: knock down walls, expand outside, leave the original footprint, or do nothing.  I quickly assessed my values and decided that doing nothing wouldn’t make me happy but changing the layout was cost prohibitive.  I made the choice to work with the footprint of the small kitchen to maximize what was already there.

I studied the kitchen for weeks.  Upon reflection, I discovered that the color of the cabinets, the style of countertops, and lack of lighting was causing the already small space to feel much smaller.  With a bit of quick research, I discovered that I was capable of painting the cabinets and countertops with products designed specifically for this function.  While labor intensive, it was very inexpensive and drastically changed the feel of the space.  Having an electrician change the lighting fixtures and installing new cabinet hardware both lightened the space and created better functionality. 

The next step was creating a magnetic pegboard system to affix to the refrigerator.  This allowed me to hang kitchen gadgets in an otherwise dead space while freeing up an entire drawer.  I designed a rolling cart system to add more storage and prep space, and then painted the walls to add more style.  With a few hundred dollars I created a space that is more suited to my creative vibe while still increasing the functionality. 

I could have spent a lot of time, money, and energy making the space bigger, but I decided to work with the history and blueprint of the kitchen.  Sometimes a blank slate isn’t a viable option and working creatively with what already exists makes more sense.  The same can be true for us when we decide to work on self-improvements.  A total reset, new template, or blank canvas might not be realistic.  Instead, embracing some of the foundational footprints and history can encourage us to be creative problem-solvers, tenaciously resilient, or contented processors.  Believing that the entirety of our past should be ignored or avoided can lead to a fixed mindset where we limit potential and opportunities.  Conversely, thinking that we are permanently bound by previous choices hedges our growth.  Creative remodeling balances the two concepts.

Embracing who you are and infusing light and color into your self-perspective can add so much value and performance without gutting yourself entirely.

Changepoints:

Consider a place or space (whether in a home, event venue, or office/business) where you creatively worked with the confines of what was already there:

·        How did it feel to use a different mindset to use an established setting instead of wiping the slate clean?  How might this translate into your own personal development?

·        Who in your life models an example of authentic self-acceptance while still seeking growth?

·        What would the experience be like if you were more accepting of your history and background as you work on self-development?

·        What areas in your life are you more prone to self-shame by trying to wish this part of your story away?

o   What positives can flow by embracing vulnerability and displaying this to others?

o   How might your journey be enhanced if you shifted to a mindset that balanced self-acceptance with self-improvement?

My kitchen is still small, but now it is a mighty space that serves my life well while still reflecting my values of being financially conscious, creative, and self-empowered.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.