Deposits and Withdrawals

The world of finances has been at the forefront of my mind lately for two reasons: 1. I’ve been knee-deep in QuickBooks trying to learn facets of the accounting software; 2. My oldest son opened his first checking account this week.  Both scenarios were eye-opening to me.  With QuickBooks, I soon discovered that certain pieces of information don’t readily communicate between the bank statement and the accounting software.  With my son, I realized that my personal checking history was so long engrained in my mind that I had forgotten what it is like to be a banking novice.  In both cases, my perspective blinded me to the end goals.  For instance, I was so entrenched with my understanding of my accounting practices that I failed to remember that the bank statement and software don’t glean information through osmosis.  And my years of checking account experience didn’t work in my favor when I assumed my son automatically knew all aspects of holding a personal checking account.  When I discovered he didn’t know what “SSN” meant when he was filling out the paperwork (“social security number” for those who despise the routine use of acronyms in the financial world), I realized I needed to take a step back.  I was so entrenched with my mindset that I was missing a teachable moment.

After explaining that he did indeed have an SSN used by the government, I decided to teach him quickly about deposits and withdrawals.  I told him that some deposits and withdrawals physically happen, while others might occur behind the scenes through electronic platforms.  The difference between these tangible and intangible transactions also helped shed light on my current QuickBooks woes.  Thankfully, a new procedure was established and now both sources of information are captured.  And with my son, he now understands how to track the various ways in which debits and credits are created in his account.

The learning lessons for me surrounding these recent finance experiences have been vast.  First, I need to try to take a non-assumptive view when I am exploring something.  I should also take the same mindset when I am trying to teach.  Secondly, using unnecessary technical terms or acronyms can be inadvertently confusing and isolating for the person on the receiving end.  But most importantly, the great reminder for me was this: Not all transactions in life can be readily seen by others, and yet it doesn’t make the impact any less.  Metaphorically, the behind-the-scenes debits and credits that people experience are very real even if they aren’t outwardly demonstrated.  On the upside, this means that many different things can help contribute to the credits and deposits we offer people.  Sometimes these smaller, quieter, and softer components will add more to their account than anything else could.  Conversely, the debits and withdrawals we take from people can leave them with a negative balance.  Their emotional, physical, or mental funds might be so depleted that they have insufficient funds.  Worse yet, we might not even know this is the unfortunate status they are facing.  Therefore, let’s use intentionality in how we practice our “spending and saving.”  We only have one account we are given in this life so let’s budget wisely.

Changepoints:

Think about the tangible and intangible aspects of life’s deposits and withdrawals:

·        Remember a time when you were given much needed deposits that added to your bucket.  Think about the variables surrounding that person or event.  How does it feel to recall that positive memory today?

·        Recount a specific situation or individual who debited from your account.  What is the memory surrounding this?  How does it still impact you today?

·        In what ways do our individual perspectives shape the way we view the intent and impact of the transactions we experience in life?  Could you shift your view about the intention of others to experience the impact differently?

·        How can you intentionally work on the deposits and credits you give to your world and those who are in it?

o   How can you stretch your metaphoric budget to be more generous to others?

o   What specific things can you do to be more mindful of your transactions (interactions) with others?

Give generously and receive with a gracious heart that attempts to assume good intentions of the world. 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

 

G.O.A.T.

The Greatest Of All Time: GOAT.  Ask any sports fanatic who the GOAT is within the sport they love, and an answer will quickly follow.  Talk to people who are passionate about their assessment, and they will provide a myriad of reasons for their position.  Some will argue that it is based upon sheer performance statistics, while others will say it depends on how the team performs in trophies and championships.  Some will state that the well-rounded players are the ones who make the grade, while others judge based on fan following or corporate sponsorships.  Typically, however, there is consensus among followers about the top 3-5 “GOATs” in a chosen sport.  But perform a search for thee absolute best athlete and you will rarely find a resounding consensus for the #1 spot from every source contributing an opinion.  And opinions they are.  While there is compelling evidence for the stance people take, there is still no perfect formula for stating what makes someone reach GOAT status.  And hence, people will have differing names on their list and how they drew their conclusion.  Watch ESPN on any given day and you will hear experts debate the topic with reverence, spirited passion, and competitive dialogue.

If we allow varying perspectives about what makes an athlete a GOAT, why don’t we consider doing the same in other walks of life?  Let’s circle back to a sport to make this point.  Because basketball is in my DNA, we’ll go with something relatable for me to convey.  In basketball, someone might be the GOAT of rebounding and not have the same ability to shoot baskets from the perimeter.  Does this make that athlete have less value?  Maybe that team would be woefully weak if they didn’t have that individual to rebound for them so they could pass the ball out to the players on the key.  Some basketball players can shoot lights-out under pressure, while others have such great defensive hands that opposing teams loathe dribbling in front of them.  The point is it takes many types of players, different fundamental strengths, inspiring coaches, and spectators to comprise team sports.  In fact, even the “best” athlete relies on medical personnel behind the scenes to keep them safe and healthy.  The GOAT rarely lives in a bubble alone, and the GOAT is frequently measured on their ability to buoy the team and work within a larger network.  There have been many athletes who are technically superior who don’t reach the level of being a GOAT because of their persona, ego, or toxicity.

The next time you feel you aren’t measuring up to the ranks of a GOAT when you are comparing yourself to others, ask yourself what parameters you are assessing them on and what you bring to the scenario that sets you apart.  There are many markers for greatness and the comparison game is a perfect recipe for making oneself feel inadequate.  Take a broader lens and look for the variables tucked away in the background, the coaches who elevate others, the subjective measures used to determine value, the overall performance of the team dynamics, and the fans who cheer on the sidelines.  Often, the most inspirational GOAT is someone who doesn’t stand in isolation and reaches their pinnacle with gratitude for supports along the way.  Watch the interviews of an athlete you are drawn to, and likely there will be a person who recognizes they are part of a larger story.  They see the unique contributions provided by those around them, and they recognize that the elements that bring rise to the GOAT exist within all of us.  In turn, their strengths don’t diminish the gifts within others.  THAT is being a GOAT, and this is present within each of us.  We arrive as our own #1 GOAT when we honor ourselves independent of marginalizing comparisons.

Changepoints:

Think about something you are passionate about and identify a GOAT:

·        What characteristics of this person inspire you?  What traits are worthy of replication?

·        While you may see this person as a GOAT, can you find ways even they are not perfect?  If they are exemplary and yet with flaws, can you allow the same to be true for yourself?

·        In what areas do you inaccurately make comparisons or draw conclusions about yourself or others?

·        How can you embrace the roles you play in this world?

o   How will this perspective change your relationship with yourself and with others?

o   What can you do to enhance genuine happiness and support for the gifts in others?

The measure of greatness and how a self-GOAT is defined starts with you. 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Leaves

If you are from the Midwest or visit this region throughout the year, you know we are part of the United States with four true seasons: winter, spring, summer, and fall.  Most people around here love the spring and fall seasons best as these months don’t present the extreme weather like our winter and summer.  And the beauty of the spring and fall landscapes are unparalleled, along with revered the traditions of tulip festivals in May and bonfires in October.  Even the air is amazing during these sacred months.

Yet, this very air is what causes allergies for many who live here.  Microscopic pollen creates wars with people’s sinuses during both seasons.  Various trees wreak havoc starting in March, where ragweed sends its power blows in September.  These very particles, however, are the necessary backbone to creating the transitions between seasons.  Eventually this leads to the magnificent plant-life demonstrated in the spring and fall.  The buds of newly sprouting leaves and the autumn colors of changing leaves remind us that nothing lasts forever.  Even the high heat of summer and the frigid temperatures of winter won’t keep their mark indefinitely.  Spring and fall eventually greet us with their joyfully opened arms.

Such is life.  If the temperatures in your life seem uncomfortably high or woefully low, remember that a season of transition, regrowth, and change could be right in the horizon.  Conversely, if you are experiencing the bliss of wonderful surroundings, it is also helpful to remember that the tiny particles of pollen-like transformation could be entering the gates.  The next time you have seasonal spring allergies or rake the fallen leaves of autumn, mindfully tell yourself that you are undergoing these because of the splendor that came first.  The next time you dread shoveling the snow or paying the utility bill from withering heat, peacefully tell your soul that this weather is preparing the world for great things to follow.  

Jump in the pile of Fall’s raked leaves.  Run through the sprinklers belonging to Summer.  Make snow-angels in Winter’s solid ground.  Pick the daisies given by the fields of Spring.  They all have something to offer.  Embrace the seasons.

Changepoints:

Determine the times in life you enjoy and those you prefer to avoid:

·        Remember a situation that was hard to endure that eventually led to growth opportunities.  What outcomes resulted that couldn’t have happened if you hadn’t experienced the tumultuous time beforehand?

·        Think of ways you can welcome the highs and lows you might face.  What serves as your gentle reminder that nothing is forever, the good or the bad?

·        How can you personalize your story to include all seasons?

o   How will this change your relationship with the various extremes in life?

o   What can you do to remain authentic to yourself during transitions?

There is a gift to be given and received during all periods of change. 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Sum

If a person were to say to you, “I am finding some goodness out there,” you would likely tell yourself that the person is noticing facets of positivity around them.  This would be an edifying thing to hear for certain.  But what if you heard, “I am finding sum goodness out there”?  Now THAT would be a great message to internalize as it would mean the person is looking for total goodness. 

While this particular scenario paints the picture of homophones in the complexities of the English language, it still drives home this point:  Perspective shapes reality.  How often could the lens we view the world or the amplifier we hear the universe make a resounding impact on the information taken in?  Some goodness.  Sum goodness.  What a difference in the context and understanding!

Could we give more compassion to those around us if we reframed things to assume different intent than what we might initially internalize?  Can we pause for a moment to explore meaning and definitions that might be new to us?  Would it feel better to live in an environment where mindfulness is offered to others?  I know I’ve been a chronic offender myself when I jump to conclusions.  It makes for more defensiveness, aggressiveness, sadness, and unhappiness when I try to write the script for someone else.  What if I handed them the pen to share their story with me?  It would allow me to absorb “sum” instead of “some.”  Wouldn’t the world be a safer place if we tried to see the “total” of a person instead of just a “part”?  Heavens know I could use this grace and compassion a LOT as I navigate life.  I hope you will seek to find sum goodness in your world. 

Changepoints:

Reflect on how you typically shape your perspectives:

·        Think of a specific situation where more context or information would have helped you understand those around you better?  What questions could you have asked to explore this more?

·        Consider a time when you were misunderstood because the impact of your behaviors or decisions didn’t align with your real intent.  What would have been helpful to convey your truth?

·        What metaphoric lens or amplifier can you use to heighten your sensitivity to the positives around you?

o   How will doing so soften the sharp edges within yourself?

o   What relationships might change as a result?

Listen and look for the sum total of what is being presented to you. 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

 

Returning

I recently went on a trip overseas where I was gone eight days.  Packing for the trip was exciting.  Traveling on the airplane was exciting.  The trip itself was exciting.  Then day eight approached.  I was ready to be home.  In fact, I was now excited about that.  What I was NOT excited about was the process of packing and traveling to return home.  While I had enjoyed these steps when I was ready to embark on my adventure abroad, I wasn’t so thrilled to repeat them to get home.  And yet, I wanted to be home. 

When we are away and wish to return somewhere, we often must take the initiative to do the things to get us where we want to be.  Ironically, some of these steps are the very things that brought excitement at one point in the journey and now seem challenging, like packing the luggage and flying on the plane.  We want to get from Point A to Point B without doing the necessary preparations or actions along the way.  But if the goal is to get to our destination, we need to keep this site in focus.  Home.

This is where I am at in my life.  Some might view the past years of my life as a stage of wandering or struggling.  I would have included myself in this camp of thinking at one time.  However, I now try to view this stage as a needed journey of exploration.  Some parts I will leave right where they are: in the past.  On the other hand, I also can see that I simply reached a crossroad where I decided I wished to return to the core of Kiley.  This summer I went on the overseas pilgrimage as a symbolic act of taking the next step at the fork in the road.  That is where I metaphorically started packing my bags and boarding the airplane to return home to Kiley.  To the fuller, more authentic version of myself.  I hope you will join me on your journey of returning to your own version of home.

Changepoints:

Evaluate where you wish to return to and think about the following:

·        Have I arrived at the place where I want to be with myself?  If so, what did I do to get here so that I can remind myself if I ever start to wander?  If not, where would I like to be?

·        What is the symbolic “baggage” that I need to remove from my luggage to lighten my load?  What should I include so I can arrive safely at my destination?

·        What will the process of “traveling” look like to get me where I intend to be?  Will it take me home?

o   What are the rewards of returning?

o   What are the anticipated joys of entering into the pilgrimage?

Welcome to your adventure of returning. 

 outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Rubber Cement

The last handful of years have been difficult for a variety of reasons.  As I reflect back on the journey, I have come to understand more about how I dealt with the circumstances thrust upon me and those I created by my own series of choices.  Rubber cement is a good way of describing this timeframe.  Remember rubber cement from time spent in elementary school?  Opening up the metal canister would fill the room with a noxious smell not easy to clear from the sinuses!  Then, we would begin gluing the soon-to-be masterpieces in front of us.  The glue would inevitably stick to our hands and make a goopy mess.  But, the magic of rubber cement is that when it dries you can rub your fingers and the glue becomes a rubber-like ball which easily falls off the hands.  And, the smell disappears.  Incredible stuff, rubber cement is.

Rubber cement works two ways.  If the glue is placed on just one surface, it creates a flexible, nonpermanent bond that can be repositioned later.  However, if the glue is placed on both surfaces and then allowed to dry first, it becomes a permanent bond when placed together.  It’s a pretty magical process if you can tolerate the initial stink and messiness.  Isn’t that life as well?  Sometimes you have to tolerate the smell and stickiness before the masterpiece unfolds.  You also have to decide how you are going to approach the glue.  Is a permanent bond needed or is something flexible needed?

For the longest time, I kept trying to make the wrong types of bonds work without understanding the true nature of the glue.  It’s only successful when both sides are involved in the right way.  My controlling nature continually tried to work against the chemistry of rubber cement.  For instance, I exhausted myself trying a flexible approach when that wasn’t in the best interest of the project.  Conversely, I also exhausted myself forcing permanency when this was destroying the artwork that was intended to unfold.  Eventually, I became afraid to open the rubber cement canister, because I wasn’t confident I could handle the smell or the mess.  As a result, I wasn’t mindful of how to approach what was in front of me.  Instead, I attempted to glue things together in a haphazard way.  Admittedly, I made a disaster of my world.

Then, I took a deep breath and realized the stench wouldn’t last forever if I decided to finally use the glue the right way.  I started studying the projects in front of me and began using the rubber cement more productively.  My children, my work, my doctoral studies, and meaningful relationships became my purpose to thrive.  Something wonderful resulted: the masterpieces already in my reach became my joy.  True joy.  I let the glue work the way it was supposed to based on the need.  Any glue that stuck to my hand wasn’t going to stay there forever.  If I let it dry, I could now rub it off.  The smell disappeared, and something beautiful revealed itself.

Changepoints:

As you begin to open your “rubber cement” canister to create a new work of art, ponder this:

·       How will I allow myself to cope with the smell and mess of gluing my life together while I tackle what is ahead?
·       Am I approaching what needs to be glued in my life with the best perspective?  
·       What will I look for to decide if what I am facing needs a permanent or flexible tactic?
·       How will I know when the glue has dried enough to touch the masterpiece in front of me? 

·       Am I willing to remove the unneeded glue from my fingers that doesn’t serve in my best interest or the finished project? 

Embrace the process of allowing rubber cement in your life.  Glue it, rub your fingers to rid the extra glue when you are done, breathe in the clean air, and soak in the beauty.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating empowered awareness as a changepoint for desired outcomes.

Diabetes and the Dance

I recently met a beautiful young lady who is a committed runner and fitness enthusiast who also deals with the repercussions of Type I Diabetes.  As a young child, her world was changed by this life-long disease.  When I asked her about her journey with diabetes and running, she taught me an important lesson on coping.  She told me that when she first wakes up, her body is not yet vulnerable to the full scope of the effects of diabetes.  Therefore, she runs immediately upon waking so that she essentially circumvents her body and sways it into functioning in a way that allows her to run.  Isn’t that amazing?!  She has learned the power of modification and adaptation to cope with the discord her body would otherwise feel if she ran at a different time of day.  What if we became more like this runner and we didn’t avoid the discord but learned to dance with it and learned its steps?  This woman found a way to acknowledge the disease but not become defeated as its prisoner.  She dances with it.  She knows the moves and steps of diabetes and chooses to work with it and not against it.  She is creative, because she gets up early and immediately goes from the bed to the road.  She is resourceful, because she makes sure she brings glucose-based snacks like dried fruit while she is running to ensure she has safeguards if her body does give her problems.  She is realistic, because she goes as far as her body allows and then stops when it communicates with her that she is pushing too hard.  She has learned the dance.  Dancing with your discord is a far better coping method than fighting against personal struggle. 

Have you taken the time to think about what your “diabetes” is?  If you have an overwhelmed schedule, you might consider taking measures to incorporate more deliberate yes’s and no’s into your routine.  If you have children who are not behaving in a positive manner, you might think about parenting skills techniques.  If you have an eating disorder, you might ponder the triggers that set the behaviors into motion.  If you have a fractured relationship with a friend or spouse, you might explore counseling, mediation, or other communication measures.  If you have a heart condition, you might search for medical interventions and ways to reduce stress.  If you have an emotional or mood disorder, you might want to find a psychologist or books on coping mechanisms.  The list of possible “diabetes” or discords is endless, because they are unique to you.  Take the time to figure out potential impediments that could bar you from being the fullest version of yourself.  But, don’t stop there.  Study it to determine the dance that fits.

If you watch a person dance with their partner, they fundamentally must understand the nuisances of the person and anticipate their next moves.  A well-orchestrated dance prevents tripping and falling.  Isn’t that such a fine metaphor for fluidly working with whatever issues come our way?!  When we positively approach perceived difficulties with the grace of a dancer, we can work the dance floor by covering the stage with refined anticipation.  So, dance baby dance!   

Changepoints:

As you evaluate the personal “diabetes” in your own life (whatever they may be), consider these thoughts:

·       Do I truly understand the nature of my discord so that I can get to know it as a potential partner?

·       Have I considered tactics to anticipate the discord that might occur in my life?

·       How will I practice my dance steps to ensure a well-prepared routine?

·       Will I be creative, resourceful and realistic about the issues that might be presented to me?

·       How will I be prepared for the effects that will likely come my way because of my discord?

·       Have I done a risk/reward analysis of not coming to terms with my individual discord?

Dance with your discord using your own personal routine and style.  The dance stage welcomes everything from the waltz to the salsa.  Just dance!

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results