Iron Sharpens Iron

I don’t know much about the processes of making or sharpening knives, so I was fascinated to learn how using metal can sharpen a knife.  If you have ever been to a fancy restaurant or watched a cooking channel, you have likely seen a chef slide a knife against a honing rod.  This isn’t just some show-boating technique.  It literally is a preparation step that makes the knife ready for service.  In my research, I found the following concepts to describe why this step is done:

          The knife becomes far more effective and functional.

          It removes unwanted irregularities and imperfections.

          It not only sharpens the knife, it makes the knife shine.

          The knife becomes refined by revealing its natural edge.

Deliberately and methodically rubbing two metals against each other can result in an effective tool!  Have you ever tried to cut a tomato with a dull knife?!  No bueno!  Often a dull knife is more dangerous than a sharp knife.  Therefore, the phrase “Iron sharpens iron” talks about the intentional removal of roughness, excess, and blemishes to reveal a shiny, exacting, true edge of the blade.  We should all want to be described as sharp, instead of blunt.  To become sharp, however, requires a polishing process.  Sometimes polishing can be intense.  Yet, when focused on the eventual outcome, the buffing process is worthwhile for the brilliant tool that is revealed at the end.

Each one of us is a blade in the making.  Therefore, let’s surround ourselves with the necessary iron to sharpen iron.  Often this means being challenged to become more than we could be on our own.  I have a best friend who encourages me to be better than I could without her support, and often this means being told things I don’t want to hear or being exposed to things I wouldn’t otherwise see.  We call ourselves the “Iron Sharpens Iron” besties, because we know that we are polishing, grinding, and buffing each other into a better place.

It is easy to surround ourselves with only people, events, or activities that help us just go with the flow.  But, what about surrounding ourselves with components that stretch us to widen our lens on the world?  I don’t find the honing process easy, but I do know that I want to have iron in my life that helps reveal my authentic edge.

Changepoints:

As you assess if you have any iron sharpening tools in your world, consider the following:

·       Do I have anyone in my life who talks to me straight?  If so, do I thank them for this contribution to my life?

·       Have I ever attended an event, class, or cause that makes me uncomfortable?  If so, what did I take away from that experience?

·       Do I have people in my life who I could consider my “safe place” where I can share in confidence?

·       Do topics that are steeped in opposing viewpoints make me uncomfortable (e.g. religion, politics…)?

·       Do I give myself permission to express how I honestly feel and do I welcome honest feedback from others?

To my fellow knives and honing rods: Sharpen away; sharpen away!

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results

Of Course

This was the first thing I said when my husband asked me to marry him years ago.  It was such a natural response to a question I had absolute certainty about.  I could have said “Sure”, but instead I shouted, “Of course!!!”

At the end of this past year, I started strategizing about my goals for 2016.  As I pondered questions about what I wanted for this year, I felt like my theme for 2016 should be “Of Course!”  In other words, if I committed or declined decisions throughout the year, I felt like it needed to be rooted in an “of course” response.  When I did a little digging about this phrase, I learned that it was initially used to describe a natural course, like a river.

When a river follows its natural course, it moves freely the way it was designed to move.  When a river is rerouted or dammed, it takes a great deal of man-made effort to keep that artificial system in place.  When we put artificial actions in place, we essentially negate nature.  When we allow something to follow its natural design or intended path, it creates a future that is meant to be.  “OF COURSE!” 

My goal for 2016 has been to create a more natural environment for myself through the process of saying “Yes” or “No” with my best “of course” responses in mind.  For me, this has resulted in editing my life in a way that more accurately reflects the season that I am in and where I want to be headed.  It is difficult for me to turn things down, because I have a tendency to people-please.  However, I am gaining much needed transparency and authenticity by honoring my “of course!”  Your “of course” is going to look different than mine, but that is the beauty of nature…no two rivers were ever designed to look the same.  Now that we are well into 2016, I would encourage you to assess your journey and what will help you best steer the course you are on.

Changepoints:

Encourage yourself to find your “of course” by asking:

·        Do my days feel fulfilling based on what I think is meaningful or what I believe others wish me to do?

·        Do I find myself regretting the times I say “yes” because of a knee-jerk response to please others?

·        If someone could wave a magic-wand, what activities would I include or remove in my current life?

·        What thoughts or activities bring a smile to my face and bring my world energy?

·        Is there negative noise (people or activities) in my life that I need to pare back?

o   What obstacles are preventing you from honoring your inner voice?

o   What measures can you take to assess your level of authentic living?

Go pursue your OF COURSE!

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Fractures

A fractured pelvis.  This will wipe out a person’s running career faster than you can say “gitty-up girl”!  Last October, I trained for a marathon and subsequently injured myself.  Hobbling on crutches and not running for seven months caused a degree of frustration and disappointment that I didn’t realize could occur from a simple running hobby.  I quickly discovered that the best way to recover from a fracture is to remove what is causing the pressure.

Yet, when I finally received a medical release to return to running again, I had lost confidence and was unsure if I wanted to embark on any future running endeavors.  I met a fellow runner, however, who imparted great wisdom to me.  He said, “You will know if you truly enjoy running if you can hit the trails without concern for what your watch says about how fast you go and how far you run.”  Initially, this seemed counterintuitive, because most runners live and breathe by their pace and distance.  I understood what he was implying, though.  He was letting me know that if I truly enjoyed running I would be willing to do it for the sheer act of running by removing the self-imposed pressures.  The pace and distance would naturally progress as a result of running for the sake of running.  In addition, I would be less likely to injury myself because I would be in-tuned to my body and not focused only on the outcome.

As I pondered this advice, I realized that this is critical advice for many decisions in life. 

Would you do your job even if you didn’t get paid?  If you simply did what you loved, a natural salary should be forthcoming.  You likely would enjoy getting to work each morning as you pursued a meaningful career.

Would you parent your children according to your intuitive values, without concerns about social pressures?  If you simply followed your inner parenting voice then well-rounded children should grow.  You would likely enjoy the parenting process more as you groom children according to their individuality.

Would you RSVP to events based on your innate interests instead of feelings of guilt?  If you simply attend events of your liking, natural “yes” and “no” responses to others could occur.  You would likely find your schedule less frenzied and overwhelming.

Would you buy that material object if you weren’t concerned about what the Joneses would think?  If you simply made purchases based on your needs and wants, many unneeded debts would be avoided.  You would likely own possessions that are gratifying and not filling up wasted space.

After my fractures healed, I discovered that I actually do still love to run.  I actually appreciate it more now than I did before.  I am free now to experience the run for what it truly should be: fresh air, stress relief, the beauty of nature, my improved health.  Sometimes it takes momentum stopping to gain valuable perspective about whether or not that activity actually improves or decreases your quality of life.

If you are feeling a disconnect with a certain aspect of your life, don’t wait for an “injury” to force you to stop and reflect.  Pause now and ask yourself why you are making the decisions you are.  Careers, schedules, parenting, finances, relationships…all of these areas are better suited when following your inner compass.

Changepoints:

We might wish to diagnose a life-fracture when:

·       We feel uncertain about decisions we are making.

·       We find we are saying “yes” or “no” to things based on what we think others want us to do.

·       We believe our life choices are from outer-motivations instead of inner-values.

·       We are focused solely on an outcome instead of the process.

·       We lack joy in activities that should be fulfilling in and of themselves. 

Heal your life-fractures.  What areas do you need to relieve pressure? 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results

Vault

We are told from an early age to protect what is valuable.  “Put your toy in a safe place so you don’t lose it.”  “Find a special spot, so you don’t forget where you placed your wallet.”  “Make sure you lock up your passport and social security card.”  People are taught that some things are worth protecting.  No one encourages people to give away their driver’s license or trust a stranger with their diamond ring or tweet the passwords to their bank accounts.  We don’t encourage young children to dismiss their prize stuffed animal or tell a teenager to be reckless with their new Nike shoes.

Why, then, are we so cavalier with some of the things in life that really matter: our time, our energy, our relationships?  If we would protect these things half as much as we protect our new designer jeans or sports car, we would live more truly fulfilling lives.

One of the hardest things for me to do is to say “no.”  I must be allergic to the word, because I often fail to say “no” to the things that damage my time, energy and relationships.  I am often willing to risk myself and those who matter to me for the simple fear of what others might think if I say “no.”  My inner-voice should be my vault.  The quiet chamber where I place that which is sacred to me…my spouse, my children, my identity, my energy, my talents, my hopes.  Instead, I shame my inner peace, my personal integrity, and my inward compass to often please the people and things that are less significant to how I want to measure my success in life.

As 2015 was approaching, I was reflecting on the year and trying to envision the upcoming year.  The word that kept scrolling through my mind was the word "vault".  I assumed the repetitive thought meant I should place the sacred things of my world into my heart’s vault.  Insulate what matters to me.  When I started to reflect on the word, however, I quickly realized that the word vault has multiple meanings.  While a vault is a way of protecting valuables, the word also means to propel oneself.  How ironic: If I vault what is sacred, I can vault into my intended life.  Protecting results in propelling.

How much farther would we go if we edited our life down to the things that really mattered to us?  If our choices resulted in feeling a sense of true authenticity for how we spent our time, energy and relationships.  All of these things are priceless beyond measure, so what if we started treating them as the precious gems they are?  If you were told that your energy was worth a million dollars, would you spend it carelessly?  If you were told that your time was the most valuable stock on wall street, would you trade it so quickly?  If you were told that your family held their weight in gold, would you pawn them off to the closest dealer?  I think not; I hope not.

Changepoints:

We might wish to evaluate our vaults when:

·       We feel uneasy when we say “yes” to something that is counter to whom we really are.

·       We intuitively know we aren’t protecting the jewels in our life.

·       We go through a day and don’t really know how we have spent the time.

·       We feel loneliness even when we are living a crowded or busy life.

·       We know we are spinning our wheels on things that could be better spent propelling ourselves elsewhere.

o   What or who are the critical components of your life?

o   What are you doing to ensure you protect these areas?

2015.  The year for us to VAULT.  What do you need to vault?  Where do you want to vault?

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Pacers

Typically when I run a race, I start the race with at least one person I know.  However, at a recent half-marathon I ran in, I didn’t know anyone at the race.  So, I thought it would be fun to search out a pacer to give me someone to converse with at the beginning of the race.  For those who aren’t into the running scene, a pacer is someone who runs as a representative of the race by guaranteeing that they will complete the race within a predetermined timeframe (as a side note – these runners also run with a sign that states their pace…this is no easy feat, as I can barely chew gum and run at the same time.)  Therefore, if you run an entire race with a pacer, you know you will finish the race within your goal time.

People run with pacers for a variety of reasons.  Some runners have a tendency to start races too fast, so pacers ensure that they don’t let their adrenaline get the best of them at the beginning.  Other runners can suffer from mid-run bonks, so pacers help keep them sharp since neither the beginning nor the end are in sight.  The pacer simply helps you plug away during that often dreadful mid-section.  And, then there are some who struggle to finish the race.  Pacers encourage them to complete what they have started.  Still others want to run with a pacer for simple companionship.  Pacers are racers who are very comfortable with running, typically know the course well, and are deliberately running the race slower than their actual capability.  These runners often talk to fellow runners the entire length of the race (13.1 miles for half marathons and 26.2 miles for full marathons, for those doing the math!)  For these reasons, they are great at meeting the various needs of the racers they are supporting.

In most circumstances in life – both personal and business – we perform better (and more pleasantly) when we seek out a pacer to help us along the way.  Whether our concern is starting out too fast, needing sustenance during the middle, encouragement to finish strong, or just simple conversation during the route, people are designed to be in fellowship with others.  “Life pacers” can provide this fellowship because they are seasoned…they know what to expect, how to help if things go awry, and don’t get ruffled when thrown for a loop.

You may not be a literal runner.  That is okay.  But remember that life – in all forms – is a race.  Why not be more effective, efficient, and encouraged with the presence of a pacer?!  All areas of life benefit from finding a safe person to be a life pacer.

Changepoints:

We might consider actively seeking a “pacer” when:

·        We are faced with a new circumstance or task.

·        We are unsure of our ability in an area.

·        We anticipate that we might need support at some point during an undertaking.

·        We feel isolated or discouraged.

·        We simply want to enrich an experience.

o   Can you identify any pacers in your life?

o   Are there specific areas in your life where you could benefit from a stable, seasoned presence?

 

Find a pacer.  Run a good race.

 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

FOMO

The term FOMO (“Fear of Missing Out”) was coined to describe the recent technological phenomenon where people experience compulsive tendencies to check or stay engaged in social media, smart phones and other tech devices for fear of missing out on potential interactions.  The trouble, however, is that FOMO actually creates environments where people miss out on their real life because they become distracted or consumed.

While FOMO is meant to describe the unhealthy dependency people have on technology, I believe that FOMO has oozed into other arenas, namely the business world.  I call it FOMO in HR.  As a Human Resources professional, I think a great disservice is being created in the working world.  Employees are almost frantically checking emails, texts, and voicemails because they do not want to miss anything or do not want to let anyone down.  As a result, we have created a work culture where people expect almost instantaneous responses to messages.  You didn’t check your texts?  Who cares that you are on vacation.  You didn’t listen to your voicemail after business hours?  Who cares that your daughter has a piano recital.  You didn’t go through all your emails over the weekend?  Who cares that you have a honey-do list you want to complete.  Or, what about the employee who doesn’t look at their computer all day because they are actually working?  What a novel concept!

Because of FOMO, we are creating environments where people aren’t truly plugged into any world.  Purgatory, perhaps.  And, I am the worst offender.  In a prior career, I was able to work some of my hours from home and some of my hours from the office.  The result, however, is that I was really “on-call” ALL the time.  Hindsight has shown me that I need to take responsibility for not establishing healthy boundaries.  Because heaven forbid that someone couldn’t reach me to put out an HR crisis.  After all, I am the only person in the whole entire universe qualified to handle employment issues (sarcasm).  I can now see that this was a business form of narcissism veiled by my projection of being a good employee for my company.

The problem with FOMO is that you condition those around to believe that they will get an immediate response to anything they present to you…because people believe that past behavior predicts future performance.  Now, my struggle is when I decide to set my cell phone down for the day.  People are stunned when they don’t hear from me right away.  I am having to reestablish my identity with technology.  Technology is a beautiful tool, but it can also be a dreadful curse.  I am learning that technology and social media can survive a day without me.  Shocking!

FOMO.  The fear of missing out.  My FOMO now is understanding that if I keep my eyes glued on technology I WILL miss out…but I will miss out on the things in life that really matter.

Changepoints:

We might have created FOMO in our personal or working lives, because:

• We don’t truly know how we want to spend our time.
• We don’t know how to establish boundaries with people around us.
• We don’t have well-defined goals or passions we are trying to pursue.
• We don’t want to lose our jobs, statuses, relationships, etc.
• How can you re-engage with the real-life relationships in your world?
• What boundaries can you establish for yourself to know when/how to turn-off any distractions?

 Let’s start reconnecting with the present world around us.
 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Badge of Honor

When does a person’s career pursuit move from being inspired and passionate to residing in the world of workaholism?  Furthermore, why do we often applaud workaholism as a badge of honor?

I was recently speaking with a friend who is a fresh medical school graduate who has begun the grueling residency process.  When I asked what his schedule was like, he told me that the maximum the hospital has them work is 80 hours per week and a minimum of 60 hours per week.  Baffled by this overwhelming workload (overwhelming at least in my opinion), I sought the perspective of another person who explained that we should all want residents to work so much to ensure exposure to as many medical situations as plausible during their three year residency.  While this is a logical argument and I can’t dismiss it entirely, I also can’t help but wonder if this structure is the best for these doctors or patients who receive their care.  After all, if a doctor works 80 hours in a six day work week, they are essentially working over 13 hours per day.  This only leaves them 11 remaining hours to recharge their batteries in another environment.  If a doctor is approaching 13 hours on their shift, do you want to be the patient receiving this care?  Yet, on the flip-side, I am forever indebted to the labor and delivery nurse who worked beyond the end of her shift to ensure that my first-born son entered the world safely.  So, kudos to her for the passion and dedication to medicine!  I give this example because I know nothing is ever all good or all bad…after all, inspired employees are the backbone to thriving companies.  This is certainly not a forum to encourage laziness!

But what happens when inspiration goes down the slippery workaholism slope?  Does workaholism even have to be found in the number of hours the person works?  What about the person who works a “regular” schedule but cannot mentally let it go when they leave their employer?  They aren’t as engaged in their normal life, because the subtle preoccupation with works prevents them from fully engaging in the present moment.  This would describe me in my former work life.  While I worked a part-time schedule, I found myself constantly torn by the requirements of my job while I was at home.  I would field emails and phone-calls during my days “off.”  I wore this as a badge of honor.  I was needed.  I was helping the lives of the employees at my company.  I was a champion for justice, right?!  But, what about the justice that my home-life was seeking from me?  Why wasn’t it enough for me to be present right at home with my three little ones?  Therefore, even with an ideal part-time, flexible work schedule, I made the decision to quit this job and dive into full-time mommyhood.  I am not advocating that women need to be at home to avoid workaholism, but I am a living example that workaholism can take many shapes and sizes.  Have we paused to consider if these scenarios might be workaholism?

…The truck driver who is technically driving under the government hour requirements, so he dismisses the danger of taking energy drinks while driving on the road sleepy and tired.

…The pastor who attends every congregation visit so not to tax the church members to find more volunteers, while the pastor’s wife quietly holds down the fort at their own home.

…The principal of a school who attends every single school function, because the students and parents absolutely must see her presence, even though her own children would love to have more time learning under her care.

…The police officer who signs up for as many overtime shifts as possible to help protect and serve, while he secretly drowns in his own oppressive depression.

…The retail manager who works every holiday shift to give his staff a break, but never sees his own parents or siblings on the holidays.

This isn’t intended to shame anyone or send anyone on a guilt-trip.  Rather, it is to acknowledge that workaholism is a real issue, and it isn’t just delegated to the CEO of a company.  When we revere people for living on five hours of sleep for pursuing work goals or praise professionals for climbing the corporate ladder at the detriment of their outside lives, we perpetuate the cycle.  We encourage the myth that this is admirable and maintainable without costs in other areas of life.  Perhaps we should be more careful about what badges of honor we choose to wear and which we choose to award other people.   Props to those who have found a way to balance the delicate pendulum of working diligently and also embracing the other facets of life.  This is a true badge of honor.

Changepoints:

We might knowingly or unknowingly engage in workaholism, because:

• We are used to constantly juggling life and don’t know how to truly relax.
• We are driven by money or prestige more than we care to admit.
• We are more comfortable with our work lives than any of our outside identities.
• We are afraid of lay-offs and the economic downturn of past years.
• How can you establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself when you are moving from passion to pitfall?
• Which people in your life can act as a support system or referee when you are placing too much emphasis on your work?

 Be a great worker, but also be a greater achiever of life!
 

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.