When they tell us not to judge a book by its cover, they
are essentially asking us to look inside and figure out the storyline. What is the theme? We all carry themes with us that shape the
way we look at the universe. Some themes
are positive and others aren’t so positive.
I recently went back to school and have begun studying perceptions and
how they shape decision-making. I have
wrestled and grappled with this concept for a long time, but wasn’t able to put
a finger on exactly what my life-theme was that was causing me pain. I know my strengths and my weaknesses, but
getting to the heart of your “life-themes” is much more difficult because it
requires real reflection and processing.
In a dark moment this summer, my negative theme came to
me: Not enough. You don’t believe you
are enough. You don’t believe you are enough
to be heard, to be seen, and to be loved.
I think why I had avoided the recognition of this theme is because I
finally realized I identified it with my dad.
I have spent most of my life (20+ years) protecting my dad’s
legacy. In the darkness of that moment
this summer, I realized that if my dad took his life I must surely not have
been enough for him to stay. I know this
isn’t logical thinking if you knew my dad, but my 14-year-old self believed
this at some level and the theme was carrying with me today. So, my adult self tried to talk to my
adolescent self and tell her she was okay.
And, fortunately that dark moment passed.
Thankfully, I don’t live in many of those deep, dark
moments…but I do carry that “not enough” theme with me in my day-to-day life. I ran a race this weekend that I knew in my
gut I shouldn’t have ran. And, now I’m
significantly injured. I push myself all
the time, and often to the betterment of the world around me. I try to work hard and crusade for social
causes. I try to be a loyal friend and
serve those in need. These are all great
things, but what happens when the internal compass is silenced because I am
trying to measure myself on the external?
I will never be enough if that is my measuring stick. And the cycle of creating and recreating that
life theme only continues.
My best friend recently asked me if I was “Living
loved or living to be loved?”
Profound. She is encouraging me
to shape the ending of my book by changing the theme. I can’t rewrite past chapters, but I can look
at them differently. I can grow from
those chapters and decide my own truth, my own theme.
Changepoints:
Assess
your life-themes by reflecting on the following questions:
·
What
do my behaviors tell me about my thoughts?
·
When
do I feel most authentic (positive life-themes) and when do I feel internal
tension (disconnected life-themes, which can be positive or negative) and when
do I feel angst (negative life-themes)?· Do the people I surround myself with confirm my positive or negative life-themes?
· Are my thoughts driven by my own internal compass or the expectations of others?
· Am I willing to embrace my positive life-themes and reframe any negative life-themes I may have?
· Who is going to tell my story and write my ending?
o
What
steps can I take to hold myself accountable to both identifying my life-themes
and putting those I wish to embrace into action?
o
What
parts of my life will be wonderfully lived if I genuinely accept the life-themes
I chose to hold?
Enough. The new ending for my book I am trying to
write.
outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved
organizational results.
