Titles

Upon receiving my doctorate, people would frequently ask me if I would use “Dr. Fleming” as my title.  My immediate response was, and still is, “no.”  I learned quickly that this follow-up question would be asked: “Why?”  I typically explain that I pursued education for my own sake, and I don’t want the title to be something isolating me from others.  This decision came after my younger brother received his doctoral degree, and he told me that some people don’t like doctoral titles because it sends the message that the individual has arrived, and none of us truly arrive if we are self-aware enough to admit it.  We are all on a lifelong journey.  Upon hearing this, I whole-heartedly agreed and decided to employ the philosophy in my life. 

This isn’t to say that the use of titles is wrong.  At times, I find that my title is necessary in certain professional and academic settings as a way of designating my capacity in that role.  Nonetheless, I currently don’t have any diplomas hanging on my walls nor do I use my titles unless it is prudent to do so.  Official titles can give an air of superiority, separate the individual from others, and serve to hide other facets of our identity.  However, we all use titles: mom, friend, faith-based, athlete, sister, volunteer, daughter, business-owner, and manager are few that could be used for me.  If I am completely honest with myself, I have likely used these titles to my benefit.  For example, I have used my birth-order and role as sister to teach on interpersonal communication during workshops.  This is a harmless benefit of this title.  However, what about the times I might use my title as a mom to dodge other commitments?  This isn’t outright dishonest, but it might be a strategy for avoiding hurt feelings instead of just declining the invitation.

The key is to identify the titles we voluntarily give ourselves, the ones we are born into, and those that are penned to us without our explicit permission (e.g. the title given to me as a youngster was that I was challenging and strong-willed.  This may be accurate, but is it accurate because that is who I was from birth or was I nurtured into this role by repeatedly being exposed to the theme?)

Once we identify the various titles in our lives, we can then decide what they mean for ourselves personally.  The role of “mother” certainly isn’t unanimously exemplified throughout the world.  Really, the only singular commonality is the physical birth of a child.  From there, the definition starts to depart.  In Iowa - where I am from - “farmer” is another title that can hold a myriad of meanings from crop to livestock ownership or management. 

Titles can be used for a variety of purposes or ways of categorization, so whether it has a positive or negative impact on an individual largely rests on their internalization of it.  How the person uses the title also reveals their values tied to it.  Case in point, my decision not to highlight my doctoral title is something I hold within myself as a compass for how I wish to operate at work.  The struggle comes if we hide behind a title for less than admirable reasons, if we are ashamed of a title, or if we don’t know why we associate with one.

One title I am unwavering about is “Advocate.”  I hope eternally this is part of my legacy, because it is part of my journey in helping others link to their own beautiful, unique titles.

Changepoints:

Mentally scroll through the various titles you have assumed through your life, and pick one to reflect upon:

·      What have you liked or disliked surrounding this title?

·      How have you dismissed or hidden behind certain titles to avoid personal accountability?

·      In what ways have you possibly misunderstood the titles others use?

·      How can you foster new titles in your life so you continue to grow and develop?

o   Are there specific areas you would like to pursue and why?

o   How would you personally benefit from fully identifying, understanding, and aligning with the various titles in your life?

 

Dr. Fleming is an educational threshold I achieved, and it certainly is a part of my identity.  However, I’d much rather have the artwork of my kids hanging in my office than a framed certificate any day of the week.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Typos

My phone loves to autocorrect the word “people” to “orioles.”  I’m not sure why my beloved device thinks that humans and a particular bird species are the same thing, but nevertheless, I often inadvertently send comical texts to friends when I’m in a hurry and don’t proofread.  Somehow texting, “Some orioles drive me crazy” doesn’t drive home the same message as, “Some people drive me crazy.”  And, yes, that is something I’ve texted my friends, because, yes, some people DO drive me crazy.  Orioles might drive me crazy, too, but I can’t say I have those flying around my town.

The first obvious takeaway is that I should proofread my writings.  Guilty as charged when it comes to my texting skills.  However, the less apparent lesson is the gift of understanding readers give me when studying my ill-written texts.  They try to make sense of my message using context, and then give me grace based on understanding my intent.  I think most people who are tec-savvy would say they do the same when an incoherent text comes their way.

I wonder how much better our communication would be if we apply the same principals in other interactions with people.  Instead of jumping to conclusions, if we took a step back and tried to understand the context of their message and assume good intent, perhaps fewer conflicts, hurt feelings, or misunderstandings would occur.  We know that in the world of texting, people are in a hurry and autocorrect goes into hyperdrive.  Applying the same mindset, when we are busy in the other facets of our lives, maybe it is our less developed brains that kick into hyperdrive, and we speak before reasoning it out.  I am sure most of us know we’ve been guilty of acting or speaking before thinking.  Assuming good intent from others and studying the context of their world – perhaps busyness or stress –  would allow us to provide a broader and more compassionate lens on the situation.

If you receive a text from me about some random oriole, please know I’m likely busy with my kids, work, and social life.  Birds are lovely creatures, but humans are even lovelier yet.

Changepoints:

Go through your phone and observe text exchanges where typos exist, and find when grace and understanding is provided among the participants:

·      What makes it easier in texting versus other forms of interactions to provide a more insightful perspective?

·      How can we better manifest a “text-forgiving” exchange with others?

·      In what circumstances do you tend to jump to conclusions or, conversely, provide more compassion?

·      How can you help slow yourself down in your own communication with others or when trying to interpret the communication of someone else?

o   Are there patterns you can identify to try to address this?

o   What outcomes could potentially result?

 

I probably should take some time to study why my phone autocorrects peculiar words, but until them:  I wish all my favorite oriels goodness and happy exchanges with one another.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Track

My kids enjoy sports, but I’ve never heard them jump for joy about running.  They don’t revel in P.E. assessment days where the timed mile is required.  So, it was a big surprise when my daughter announced she had registered for track.  I’m totally supportive of my kids partaking in extracurricular activities, so I didn’t want to dim her enthusiasm for trying this newfound sport.  Instead, I waited for her to report back to me after her first practice.  Upon asking her how it went, she responded, “Track is the worst.  You run sooo much!”  Newsflash, child: Track is ALL about running.

I asked her if she was going to continue with the season, and she promptly let me know that track – despite the miserable running – was entirely worth it, because she it allows her to be with her friends.  She also let me know that she doesn’t quit something she has signed up to do.  (However, she also mentioned that I could refrain from inviting any family members to watch her compete in meets.)

She still doesn’t love the sport of track.  I admire her tenacity though.  I also appreciate that she looks for the positives to offset any negatives.  When she complains of aches and sore muscles, she still says it is worth it to surround herself with best friends.  Way to keep an eye on the prize!

Sometimes we, too, find ourselves in situations where we are tackling something that might not rise to the top of our favorites list.  This is especially challenging when we haven’t chosen the path in front of us.  My daughter voluntarily signed up for track, but often we are faced with situations that are thrown our way.  Yet, the mindset of positivity and grit that my daughter modeled can be one we employ as well.  Rarely is there a case where a rainbow can’t be found.

You’ll still find my child loathing the track field, but at any given meet you’ll also see her laughing, giggling, and having fun with her friends between races.  To me, regardless of her finish time she’s winning at the game of life.

Changepoints:

While my daughter is highly competitive in many realms, in track she has taken this pressure off herself.  In your life, picture a time where there was a silver-lining to a hard experience:

·      What did you gain through the process of allowing yourself to still experience what could have initially been considered negative?

·      How did the tenacity to push through a challenge benefit you personally or professionally?

·      What rewards were manifested by changing your mindset about the situation?  Who or what provided this motivation?

·      Who in your inner circle models the type of perspective that inspires you to pivot when it would be easy to be drawn into negativity?

o   How does this attitude impact the lives of those around them?  Conversely, how does a downtrodden perspective affect group morale?

o   Describe “you are the company you keep” to yourself personally.

 

Thankfully, my kids have wonderful friends who enlighten their worlds.  They surround themselves with people who encourage their commitment, growth, and positivity.  Even if it now means my daughter is participating in a sport she dreads.  She’s still running!

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.