Nail Polish

The use of nail polish is seen as a way of beautifying one’s hands.  The styles and colors adorning many fingernails are admired by people across the world.  Often painted to match outfits, seasons, and holidays, decorated nails are trends universally appreciated by many aesthetically driven folks.  It is an outward symbol of an internal value as it takes time, effort, and money to keep up groomed hands, even those that aren’t professionally maintained and are upkept at home.

Beyond prettiness, another benefit of manicures is that nail polish reduces the likelihood of getting chipped, broken, or snagged fingernails.  It acts as a buffer from elements that otherwise weaken the nail.  Some people can’t grow long fingernails without the aid of nail polish (I am one of those unfortunate souls).  That’s why polish can be clear without color and still play an important part of a grooming regiment. 

Because my natural nails are tragic at best, I was intrigued by the gel nail polish trend.  It requires an LED lamp to set the specialized nail polish to the fingernail.  What results is a longer lasting and more durable paint.  As someone who previously couldn’t grow their fingernails, this has been an astonishing and fun discovery.  The UV light essentially cures the paint and provides my nails with strength not found alone.

Nail polish reflects a lot about how life can work.  Sometimes a clear coat is what is needed to provide a transparent and thinner buffer.  It also acts as a method of highlighting what is naturally there.  Other times, colored paint helps augment the mood, message, or tone.  And still other times, gel polish that is cured, strengthened, and set through light helps deliver the best results.  It might all fall under the category of nail polish, but the form and function vary considerably.  Light, color, and transparency all help aid at different points with the message and strength of what lies beneath. 

Maybe we need to be nail polish to someone in our life, or maybe we need to receive the gift of nail polish.  It can take what is already there and augment it to what it isn’t on its own.

Changepoints:

Look around you and see the varying types of nail polishes around you:

·      What subtle and bold messages are conveyed by what you see?

·      How does nail polish act to improve the fingernail and in what ways could this be translated into your own life?

·      What assumptions do you make about the fingernails you see around you, both good and bad?  Where do those assumptions stem from and how can you learn from these thoughts?

·      In what ways can you act as polish, or a support, to those around you?

o   What areas in your life could use a transparent coat to boost what is naturally there?

o   How can you work on strengthening what you already are at your core? 

Nail polish is a simple metaphor that can be used to teach us how to look at the mundane in a new way, and how to bolster what we might take for granted on its own.  We just might have the ability to be the light, strength, and transparency for the world around us.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Budgets

When people think of budgets, this often brings to mind their finances.  The concept of a financial budget is to use funds within whatever means or goals the person has set forth.  Presumably it is to avoid unwanted debt, although it can also be used as a tool to reach milestones.  While many people think of their financial budget as a negative constraint, the purpose of a budget can also bring forth a lot of freedom through the disciplined process.  People pay down their mortgages faster, enter retirement sooner, purchase luxury items, and embark on adventures through the process of financial budgeting. 

By shifting the perspective to a positive lens, a monetary budget can be an empowering and educational resource.  We know that if we need or want to spend more money than we make, thought needs to be given to reducing spending, absorbing the debt, or establishing plans to earn more income.  A budget doesn’t have to be fixed and concrete as it can evolve with strategic efforts.  The key is to act within self-determined factors.

Applying these same principles, other areas in our lives could also benefit from the concept of budgeting.  For instance, a health journey can be budgeted where food consumption and exercise are pared to determine the weight, energy, and wellness we wish to establish.  Each one of us, just like a financial budget, has a unique set of contributors that determines our health factors, like metabolism and physical exercise thresholds.  Together these can create a health budget to reduce issues, much like reducing financial debt, or improving areas, similar to achieving financial benchmarks.  Our BMI-weight scores, blood pressure, and physical flexibility are examples of long-gauges on our short-term budgeting decisions surrounding our calorie intake, types of body movement through exercise, and genetic disposition.

Time and relationships can also be considered from the lens of a budget.  The allotment of 24 hours in a day exists for everyone, and how that time is spent is something to assess.  Sleep, work, parenting, recreation, exercise, and hobbies are just a few of the things where our time needs to be managed.  With relationships, our personality and temperament, along with external demands on our time or energy, can impact how we wish to budget our interpersonal associations.  We may wish to have a few quality relationships with selected individuals, whereas others use this budget to have many large social circles.

Knowing the criteria that impacts each of our designated budgets helps us analyze gaps, create goals, and maintain the homeostasis we individually identify.  No two people will have the same life budget, so our job isn’t to determine how others should act in accordance with their established budget.  Instead, our task is to self-reflect and intentionally behave in such a way that is consistent with the life budgets that mirror our internal values and beliefs.  Then, we can rest easy knowing we are consuming or saving well within our own set living budgets.

Changepoints:

Think through a specific time where you wisely calculated your spending, eating, or ability to juggle time or relationships:

·      How did this proper gauging affect you in other areas outside this specific parameter?

·      How has this successful achievement benefited you and what long-term pitfalls did you avoid?

·      Who in your life has shown an ability to shift a budget in their life – health, time, money, relationships – where you could see growth?

·      How can this person serve as a mentor or guide for you as you select areas for improving your life budgets?

o   What are the detailed, specific benefits of achieving these goals?

o   Who will reap the rewards of these efforts? 

Living budgets are a way to shape our world in a way that reflects our inner compass.  They need not be viewed as a punitive, restrictive tool.  Instead, they can be seen as a daily choice we are given to demonstrate a life that is controlled, empowered, and measured by our own hand.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Brown Noise

While trying to get my technology to produce background noise to help with sleep, I asked the device to play “white noise”.  When my kids heard me instructing it to create this particular sound, they asked me why that was the type of noise selected.  I must have looked baffled because they proceeded to shed light on my ignorance surrounding the topic.  There are lots of “colored” noise, I was soon enlightened.  Conversation unfolded about why each person liked a particular noise color.  I proceeded to scroll through a list of options and found that I like brown noise.  Here I thought white noise was the only choice.

During this investigation process, I discovered sound engineers initially named the noise frequency with the color which loosely captured the light frequency that would correlate if the sound were a color.  The first sound that was defined this way was white noise, hence why it is the one most referred to when people seek soothing background noise.

I have since discovered at least 11 sound colors, some technical and others informal.  All seek to capture the relationship between the sound wave output and the light color frequency.  Pink, green, and blue noise are just three of the colored noises to which a person can sleep or meditate to.  Interestingly, brown noise is actually named after Brownian Motion and is also known by the name “random walk” noise.  It seems like a fitting name for how I often live my life, so perhaps this is why it resonates with me as I sleep.

Our words are also sounds, and they carry vibrations and light.  Whether it is a positive, bright light largely rests upon us.  We can’t necessarily control how our words are received, but to a high degree we can use intention to shape our words in such a way that the energy, speed, and frequency spread the message how we desire, both to help or to harm.

Next time we speak, let’s truly pause to contemplate the words and the intended vibrations to help us with the delivery.  If we wish for our language to carry positivity, we must study the energy we are infusing with it.  Sound and light go together.  We can decide if we want to be violet light or noisy black light.  If we prefer to shine through our communication, it starts with a partnership between the literal words and energy behind them.

Changepoints:

Play through the list of available background noise colors and listen to the nuisances of the options:

·      How do the differences among the background noise choices translate to the way you think about communication in your own life?

·      How can you shift the way you hear others to capture the vibration they intend to convey?

·      Who in your life demonstrates the ability to balance their words, beliefs, and energy together?

·      What facets of your life could be improved by paying attention to the energy you place into your communication?

o   What relationships or tasks will be augmented by doing so?

o   How will you chart a path to match your “noise” with your “light”? 

Color is a beautiful way to capture the spectrum between intent and impact as it pertains to the bridging of our noise and our light.  May our energy authentically align with the image we hold out to the universe.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Loss Leader

Any title that has the word “loss” in it might resonate as negative.  “Loss leader”, however, is an intentional decision to do something at a cost with the long-term perspective of reaping a gain.  Some companies sell a specific product at a deficit to get people through their doors, whereby hopefully increasing other sales.  Other organizations give away products to create marketing connections.  Where I am employed, we have chip clips, lip balm, stress balls, pens, and notepads with the logo affixed on each item.  There is never the assumption the recipient would pay a dime for these products.  We shoulder the cost with the aim of increasing brand recognition.  Therefore, these pieces of swag serve as a loss leader because we use the upfront sacrifice to create paths for greater things in the future.

Look around and you will see this approach is taken a lot using reduced-price products, coupons or discounts, and free items.  The idea of these things being loss leaders doesn’t drum up a negative connotation to those deciding to supply them.  The managers and sales staff do it willingly because their perspective is shaped toward long-term relationships and business cultivation through an upfront decision to sacrifice for enduring connections.

Wouldn’t it be a major shift in our personal lives if we decided to intentionally make initial sacrifices for the sake of longer goals?  Perhaps not eating that extra piece of birthday cake because bathing suit season is approaching in several months.  Or paying the important bills before dipping into the checkbook to go on a shopping spree so there isn’t stress at the end of the month.  Or turning off the television before the show ends for the sake of grabbing a few more minutes of needed shut eye due to an important morning meeting. 

Let’s take it a bit deeper.  Like deciding to offer an apology even if we feel our accountability to the situation is less than the other person so that an enduring relationship can be maintained.  Or offering to work longer hours when we’d rather be doing something else to help an overwhelmed coworker so that the working environment remains relaxed.  Maybe lending a neighbor a tool they need even though you aren’t sure it will be returned in pristine condition because the collective upkeep of the community matters.

Keeping tallies is a recipe for feeling disadvantaged because the scope is fixed on the immediate.  Instead, remember that a temporary or short loss can be eternally impactful.  By deciding where to focus our energy - in long-term dividends – we enhance the quality of living not only of those around us.  We, ourselves, benefit from all that flows as well.  The loss leader becomes a living model for others to see.  It helps in goal achievement, buoying relationships, and value enhancement.  Whether it is to meet a weight-loss objective, save for a vacation, or enrich the lives we are surrounded by, demonstrating a loss leader approach serves to make the world a more meaningful, productive, and wonderful place.

Changepoints:

Consider a time where you made a choice to intentionally set short-term gains aside to reach a long-term plan:

·      How did the process of deciding to sacrifice feel initially and then how did it evolve down the line?

·      Who were the people in your life who knew about your plan to make a deliberate sacrifice for the greater good?

·      If there was push-back in creating this boundary, how did you address or remedy it?

·      What are specific areas where the loss leader perspective could now be applied to your life?

o   What changes in behaviors are required to plan for success?

o   How will you and others benefit from decisions that might initially appear unfun or sacrificing?

 

Each one of us has the capacity to become a leader in our respective worlds by choosing things that might appear to have an outside cost.  Instead of feeling diminished, think like a person who generously gives out swag into the universe for the sake of infusing good energy.  Your logo, or legacy, will be branded every time you do so.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

New Hires

When you hire new employees after years of having tenured staff, you quickly recognize all the things you previously said or acted upon where you didn’t give much contemplation due to the similar footing everyone shared.  Things like work attire, schedules, acronyms, and processes take on new meaning to a novice entering a company.  Hiring staff is an opportunity to reflect upon former ways of doing things while bringing newness into the fold.  Making assumptions is a remedy for confusion and chaos if you aren’t deliberate in your approach as the manager.

Even if you aren’t a supervisor in an organizational sense, we all manage areas of our lives: our homes, social endeavors, work capacity, etc.  When we get overly comfortable in those settings it is easy to assume that everyone is on the same page.  It’s understandable to falsely believe that everyone involved speaks the same language, holds the same shared values, and has the same beliefs.

For example, the other day I was rambling on about something to my kids and they informed me that my words made no sense to them.  We got a kick out of the fact that I was so tired I was conveying instructions in an utterly incoherent fashion.  However, what if this conversation had unfolded when we were under stress, if it was regarding something very important, or it was a novel concept they were seeking to understand?  I doubt we would have found the humor then.

If we transfer the freshness of a new hire/management perspective to routine things we do in life, I am confident we would provide more clarity and dialogue to those who need it.  It’s easy to slip into autopilot without remembering that many times people benefit from more direction and insight.  Additionally, it’s simple to forget that people need compassion and understanding in areas we take for granted.  We were all novices at one point, so a shift in viewpoints can help everyone navigate life with less tumult.  When we interact by changing our pace, providing different types of information, or opening our emotional bandwidth, others get the opportunity to grow quicker and with fewer errors.  This, in turn, should help reduce our level of frustration as well.  So, it’s a win-win when we pivot.  The newbie isn’t the only beneficiary of our change because authentic living is about continually evaluating the handbook of life.

Changepoints:

Remember when you started a new occupation and what was effective or ineffective in your onboarding:

·      How would you define a good supervisor-subordinate relationship in the broader sense of just employment?

·      What does it look like from your lens to effectively make something approachable or digestible for the sake of in-depth learning?

·      In what areas of your life could you provide more detailed feedback, transparent interactions, or benefit-of-the-doubt to those less seasoned than yourself?

·      How will you ensure that you instill patience as you allow others, and yourself, to grow?

o   Who models these virtues in your life so that you can replicate similarities?

o   How will you create checks-and-balances for yourself to prevent the habit of slipping into autopilot? 

Let’s try not to forget that before we could run, we learned how to walk.  And, before we mastered walking, we first started by crawling.  So, too, should our interactions be shaped with those around us.  Not everything in this world comes with an instructional manual, so we have opportunities to create safe spaces to grow and develop when we consider that most of life is really a process of onboarding into the unknown.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Phone Crisis

Rushing out the door in a hurry is a surefire way to misplace something you need to take with you.  The evening I was headed out with a tight deadline was no exception.  My phone was missing.  My kids attempted to call my phone for me, but I already had a sneaking suspicion that I had turned the ringer off during a previous meeting.  Yep.  No ringing within earshot of anyone.

It was approaching the time where I simply had to leave, so I told my kids that I would be gone for a few hours without it.  My daughter became bug-eyed and said, “It will be a crisis if you can’t find your phone.  How will you go a few hours without it?!  I’d DIE without my phone.”  No mystery here that she is a teenager who almost keeps her phone stapled to her body.  So, no surprise that not having a phone for a few hours might signal the end of the earth.

Ironically, my phone was found right before I needed to leave on the floorboard of the very car I was going to use to get to my next appointment.  With a huge sense of relief, my daughter told me how happy she was that the lost had been found.  I’m certain she was more excited about it than I was.

Cellphones are her kryptonite as she quickly loses her resolve and discipline when she hears the ping of friends messaging her.  As scientists have confirmed, technology has a strong capacity to make dopamine levels surge in people.  Hence why they are so magnetic.  However, cellphones are just one area where a person may experience a stronghold or addictive-like presence in their life.

After our conversation ended, I thought about how most people have a vice in their life that can create panic if we believe it would be taken away from us.  Exercise, work, technology (television, cellphone, laptop), relationships (romantic, family, social), substances (caffeine, alcohol, nicotine), hobbies (sports, shopping, art).  These are just a few examples of what may rule our lives if we are truly honest with ourselves.  While I was amused by my daughter’s concern about my “lost” cellphone, I realized that it does have a powerful hold on the lives of many.  Just because it isn’t my weakness doesn’t mean I don’t have my own.  Upon reflection, I acknowledged that my career-life and fitness pursuits can take center stage, and I would feel a lot like my daughter if these were taken away. 

None of these things are inherently good or bad in and of itself.  The power is given by us to these areas.  It is our right and our privilege to get to pursue the act of disciplined balance in whatever facets we face.  It is a gift to get all these first world bonuses that we often tout as stressors.  Instead of labeling or judging them one way or another, make a choice to determine the role it will play in our world.  As for my daughter, it may take a while until she can comfortably ignore her social media.  And that’s okay as we are all works in progress.

Changepoints:

With honest self-reflection, consider the areas in your life where you would an imbalanced level of anxiety if it were taken away:

·      What is it about this activity, object, or person that you have given power over your life?

·      How did this stronghold take center stage in your world?

·      What steps can you take to take a healthier approach and balance to it?

·      How will the rest of your life be better served if you create this equilibrium?

o   Who are the accountability partners in your life who can help you address this plan?

o   How can you focus on the benefits of creating this balance whereby reducing anxiety? 

The cellphone will continue to ring and buzz with calls and texts.  We can’t control that part of the equation.  We can, however, decide to put the phone on silent.  Just remember that you might end up finding it on the floorboard of your car when you’re in a rush.  And you’ll still survive.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Fishing Lures

Recently, I was telling a story about my teenage son sparking a newfound interest in fishing.  The coworker then asked me a few questions about my son’s passion to determine what he fished for and where he participated in this hobby.  I didn’t give the friendly conversation a lot of thought as there were business agenda items to cover, so we moved on with the day.

During a break I saw the coworker go to his truck, which is a routine activity for any of the staff.  Upon his return, we resumed the meeting.  But before official business was started, he placed two fishing lures beside me and said he wanted to gift them to my son.  He also explained that he assembles and paints fishing lures for his friends, so he wanted my son to experience it for himself.

When I got home, I gave the lures to my son and went about the tasks of the household.  Within an hour, I had a text from my son with pictures of himself fishing with the new lures and catching a fish.  He also made sure to let me know that custom lures are expensive and very special.  His elation at the gesture humbled me.  I already knew my coworker was thoughtful, but the feedback from my son revealed the extent of the impact of the decision to be kind and generous.

All because a coworker paid attention to my words and asked insightful questions about my son whom he had never even met.  I’ll probably never fully appreciate the full effect this had on my son being seen, heard, and validated as an individual growing into himself as a young man.  Imagine that if a small fishing lure can change the world of one life then what continued generosity and thoughtfulness can do on a larger scale?  We should all cast our lines out to pay attention to the details people around us present so we can use it as platforms of encouragement.

Changepoints:

Think of a specific time when you received unexpected kindness because someone was paying attention to your needs:

·      In what ways did this action help you feel validated as a unique individual?

·      What practices do you employ in your personal life to ensure you are in-tune with others?

·      How can generosity, awareness, and helpfulness be spread to those in your world who might unknowingly need affirmation?

·      How can you be a willing recipient when people try to help or serve you?

o   What does an open spirit do to receiving unexpected acts of thoughtfulness?

o   How do perspectives shift when we seek to validate and appreciate those around us? 

A three-inch fishing lure ignited a passion in my son.  He will remember the gift long after the lure is gone.  That’s the power of deliberate thoughtfulness.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Armageddon Pantry

Apocalypse.  Armageddon.  Domesday.  Call it what you will.  When we say these words, images of disasters come to mind.  And most of us prefer to be prepared for any looming destruction coming our way.  I actually don’t spend a great deal of thought about end-times, so I chuckled when a family member called my basement storage room an “Armageddon Pantry.”  However, I could see how someone might get that notion given the copious amounts of food staples I keep in my basement.

But the “Armageddon Pantry” isn’t intended for disaster.  The opposite is true, in fact.  The pantry is a supply room to enhance the lives of my kids, so when they have hungry bellies, sleepovers with large crowds, or after-school teenage hangouts, there are plenty of options to which they can readily choose from.  In fact, the neighborhood and friends all know that we are the place to go for snacks, baking goods, and whatever else they can put to imagination for the kitchen.

Instead of preparing us for disaster, this pantry serves to prime us for hosting privileges without creating an overt amount of stress.  It’s one way I have deliberately tried to buoy opportunities for my home to be a place of warmth and welcome for my kids.  This stands in stark contrast to the notion of the disaster mindset tied to Armageddon.   

Just like many facets in our lives, perspective is crucial for understanding.  How we assess our environment is largely based on our lived experience, history, and approach.  As such, confusion can occur when we determine something to be truth based on an isolated lens.  It’s helpful to have conversation surrounding our understanding so we can create dialogue about intent and insight.  I’m glad to hear my family member discuss this pantry, because it was done from a teasing heart.  And furthermore, it provided the platform for me to discuss the real reasons for the development of this food storage.  Not to mention that it allowed me to invite him to swipe goodies from the snack bin anytime he’d like, to which he readily agreed.

Changepoints:

Ponder elements in your life where context would help for someone on the outside to better understand your thinking or decision-making:

·      What ways can you proactively inform people of your intent?

·      How might you deal with confusion that is created when someone tries to interpret your life without having the full spectrum?

·      In what ways have you possibly misunderstood the world of others?

·      How can you best enhance communication whereby increasing the likelihood that people are speaking and listening with the spirit of understanding?

o   What does this open perspective do to help diffuse defensiveness?

o   How would you personally benefit from listening to others with the intent of seeking to understand? 

However you decide to label my enormous basement pantry, know that you are invited to partake whether it be a disaster or a party.  There’s enough food for everyone!

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.

Titles

Upon receiving my doctorate, people would frequently ask me if I would use “Dr. Fleming” as my title.  My immediate response was, and still is, “no.”  I learned quickly that this follow-up question would be asked: “Why?”  I typically explain that I pursued education for my own sake, and I don’t want the title to be something isolating me from others.  This decision came after my younger brother received his doctoral degree, and he told me that some people don’t like doctoral titles because it sends the message that the individual has arrived, and none of us truly arrive if we are self-aware enough to admit it.  We are all on a lifelong journey.  Upon hearing this, I whole-heartedly agreed and decided to employ the philosophy in my life. 

This isn’t to say that the use of titles is wrong.  At times, I find that my title is necessary in certain professional and academic settings as a way of designating my capacity in that role.  Nonetheless, I currently don’t have any diplomas hanging on my walls nor do I use my titles unless it is prudent to do so.  Official titles can give an air of superiority, separate the individual from others, and serve to hide other facets of our identity.  However, we all use titles: mom, friend, faith-based, athlete, sister, volunteer, daughter, business-owner, and manager are few that could be used for me.  If I am completely honest with myself, I have likely used these titles to my benefit.  For example, I have used my birth-order and role as sister to teach on interpersonal communication during workshops.  This is a harmless benefit of this title.  However, what about the times I might use my title as a mom to dodge other commitments?  This isn’t outright dishonest, but it might be a strategy for avoiding hurt feelings instead of just declining the invitation.

The key is to identify the titles we voluntarily give ourselves, the ones we are born into, and those that are penned to us without our explicit permission (e.g. the title given to me as a youngster was that I was challenging and strong-willed.  This may be accurate, but is it accurate because that is who I was from birth or was I nurtured into this role by repeatedly being exposed to the theme?)

Once we identify the various titles in our lives, we can then decide what they mean for ourselves personally.  The role of “mother” certainly isn’t unanimously exemplified throughout the world.  Really, the only singular commonality is the physical birth of a child.  From there, the definition starts to depart.  In Iowa - where I am from - “farmer” is another title that can hold a myriad of meanings from crop to livestock ownership or management. 

Titles can be used for a variety of purposes or ways of categorization, so whether it has a positive or negative impact on an individual largely rests on their internalization of it.  How the person uses the title also reveals their values tied to it.  Case in point, my decision not to highlight my doctoral title is something I hold within myself as a compass for how I wish to operate at work.  The struggle comes if we hide behind a title for less than admirable reasons, if we are ashamed of a title, or if we don’t know why we associate with one.

One title I am unwavering about is “Advocate.”  I hope eternally this is part of my legacy, because it is part of my journey in helping others link to their own beautiful, unique titles.

Changepoints:

Mentally scroll through the various titles you have assumed through your life, and pick one to reflect upon:

·      What have you liked or disliked surrounding this title?

·      How have you dismissed or hidden behind certain titles to avoid personal accountability?

·      In what ways have you possibly misunderstood the titles others use?

·      How can you foster new titles in your life so you continue to grow and develop?

o   Are there specific areas you would like to pursue and why?

o   How would you personally benefit from fully identifying, understanding, and aligning with the various titles in your life?

 

Dr. Fleming is an educational threshold I achieved, and it certainly is a part of my identity.  However, I’d much rather have the artwork of my kids hanging in my office than a framed certificate any day of the week.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.