Spring Break

Spring Break was approaching, and I heard a teenager talk about how fellow classmates will make comparisons about their spring break adventures upon returning to school.  As a truancy mediator, I hear a lot about what children experience behind closed doors.  Many of these kids struggle with issues surrounding food, transportation, and housing.  Going on an international trip is the last thing on their radar.  Until they return to school, and they get asked where they went during their break.  Ouch.

We might think this is common high school behavior that adults grow out of.  But do we?  When we stare at social media, watch reality tv, or yearn for the designer outfit our neighbor is wearing, aren’t we essentially doing the same thing?  And when we flippantly discuss our recently awarded bonus, weekend getaway to Florida, or the new car we purchased, haven’t we set up an environment similar to the teenager who is asked where they went for spring break?  It potentially creates a platform of discomfort or comparison for those who weren’t part of the experience.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t celebrate our victories or join in the celebrations of others.  It is important, however, to be mindful when we discuss the highlights of our lives. The sole spotlight on these moments can be hurtful to others, and disingenuous to ourselves, if we don’t balance it with reminders of the valleys or even the everyday we experience.

Showcasing our Valentine's Day flowers is fine, until we remember that some people don’t wish for a single life.  Hallmarking our kids’ finest hour is great, until we remember that some people can’t have children and other people have children with profound issues.  Praising the achievement of an advanced degree is wonderful, until we consider that education is out of reach for many.  We can temper these conversations by thinking about the audience to which we are sharing, along with peppering our words with the less glamourous and very real tales about life.  Holistic relationships are filled with gray and all the other colors.

Changepoints:

When have you felt excluded from an experience, whether material or otherwise:

·      How did it feel to have to address conversations surrounding this experience?  How could you strive to ensure this doesn’t happen to others when you talk about your highlights?

·      When might you inadvertently use words that isolate others because their lived experience is different from your own?  How can you develop your empathy in these areas?

·      Who do you know who overtly appears to brag about their accomplishments or possessions?  What other underlying themes might be going on to explain the need for this behavior?

·      How can you balance when you share about the upsides of life while ensuring that the everyday or downsides are also constructively conveyed?

o   How might this equilibrium and vulnerability help others around you?

o   How can this help your own perspective as you absorb information given in the world? 

Go ahead and revel in the positives that life affords you while also considering when, how, and why you share this with others.  Cherishing it for yourself in the quietness of your own soul might be all the reward you need.

outSIGHTin, LLC: Creating awareness as a changepoint for improved organizational results.